I attended a funeral on Monday 18th. A close friend of mine had their father pass away after a long strugge with demintia. As they always say it’s is very sad but then again happy that the suffering has ended. What was more poignant for me in this sense is that this may be the turning point were the weddings tend to drop off and while the baptisms and younger birthdays will continue I might see the raise of more and more funerals.

It won’t be the sudden unexpected funerals, it will be the older generation that will be passing on. More frightening will be older members of my family. The shift I realise is that I’m getting older, time is ticking on and life is moving at a faster pace that I realised.

This funeral also brought to light the impending mortality of my own parents and the hollowing feeling, that I had for a moment, if my parents where to suddenly pass away.

Words cannot explain how I would feed, so I’m not going to try to write them down here, I do have a visual that flashed before more that may expalin it.

I saw myself in an desolate landscape very much like a small boat in the middle of the ocean or myself walking towards the endless horizon of a frozen land. Time and nature moved on and I moved towards something but there was no one with me, I had limited tools and I had figure things out myself.
I marched forward.
I was scared.

The day that I lost my hip

Sunday 9th September

It was a normal sort of weekend; too much to do, I had planned to do work but in the end didn’t get to it, spent time with Liz, didn’t get time for exercise. I had been wanting to go for a run for a while but never got around to it, but this time everything seemed OK. The weather was good it wasn’t too late and I felt good. I put everything on, decided on a route and off I went.

It was a pretty normal run I took a shorter route running through the lake, but half way around it in so I ended up going up the hill on the side furthest away, it was a hill that I had done before and either didn’t make it all the way up or had to stop at the top and walk. This time I made it all the way up but walked at the top, for shorter than normal. I was off again, I finish the blow going down Blackburn road, up Waverley rd and then finally down Springvale road so that I ended up at one of the Booran Ave entrances, walking as a cool down the rest of the way home.

The run its self was better than normal, I had done 5.4 km in 32 min. this was the best time that I had done for that distance. I had concentrated on keeping my sholders low, keeping a good rythem and making sure that I was using the right technique with my body and feet. I felt sore, very sore, but this was expected. It was a the first time that I had run in a couple of months. I stretched out, had dinner and then went to bed.

Feeling confident from the run on Sunday I wanted to attack the karate class and up my training load, I felt that I really needed to get my cardio going in order to make the grading and in particular the kumite section of the grading. I was moving OK, but getting tired, I took a few hits to the leg but in general par for the course I didn’t expect to do amazing but I was OK, recovering well. Again my legs were sore but nothing out of the ordinary, I thew a few kicks, and did a lot of lateral movement.
The fact that my legs were sore should have been the first thing that told me that I had to rest up and make sure that I was healed up.

I decided that I was too sore to do anything so I skipped the gym session

I was still sore but this time woke up with a strange pain and strain in my right hip flexor and groin. I put it down to a small sprain and thought that if I warmed up I would be OK. I rubbed some of marks’ voltarn on it and hoped that it would help. I got through the class which included kicks, not a great idea in the end.

By the time that I woke up on Thursday I realised that something was seriously wrong, I was limping badly and there was a lot of pain in any sort of movement that meant lifting my leg. Particularly hard was walking, with a normal stride, getting in and out of the car and moving my leg while sitting down.

I tried to get my normal physio’s but they were all busy. I finally called the ANZ physio’s because I had been there before. I went and saw a guy called Josh. He looked at me and did’t really tell me what I had but did some dry needling (a more agressive type where they would stick the needle in and then twitch the muscle so that it would move the release, it was more painful but didn’t last as long) to release the muscles. I was still limping when I walked out but he told me that I should be OK by monday when I saw him next. I was to take pain killers and anti inflammatory medication.
That night I had a session with Moses, which I should have cancelled but I went ahead with it anyway, because I didn’t want to bail on him, the hip hurt but I tried to keep it light and used my opposite stance which didn’t put too much pressure on the pain.

I didn’t do a great deal this day, I tried standing for most of the day which helped but in the end my back on sore. I tried not to sit for too long but that didn’t so much difference either.
I went to bed as the next day I was helping with grading the juniors.

I was helping with the grading, while I wasn’t running around a great deal, just trying to drive the car with the break and accelator was difficult. I was using the massage stick the whole time to try to release some of the muscles in my quads that were tight and causing pain in my knee.
I went shopping with Liz afterwards, I don’t think that we did anything that night.

Liz had wanted to go to the South Melbourne market so we went along to that, I took some pain killers and was able to survive the day. Annette had told me about me hydro therapy and that it could help, I thought that it would be a good idea as I was well beyond 72 hours from the injury and ice didn’t seem to be doing much – even though I didn’t give it a real good go.
The water therapy was good, I felt better, I could move a bit more I thought that this might be the start of it getting better.

I woke up and felt worse if not any better at all. I called as soon as I could to see Josh and see what he thought. I explained how my past few days had gone since I had seen him. He wasn’t very impressed at all and let me know it. He seemed angry and was quite strict about the advice that he had given me.

We went through some muscle release, again with the needles and then gave me some movements that I could do. But I choose not to do them.

It was at this point that Josh suggested that I have a Hip Impingement, he let me go after that.

I went back and looked up the details and wasn’t happy with what I saw.

2011-05-08 How politics neglects feelings

Paul Nicklen: Tales of ice-bound wonderlands

Man’s Search for Meaning

A quote from the book I’m reading:

The observations of this one case and the conclusion drawn from them are in accordance with something that was drawn to my attention by the chief doctor of our concentration camp. The death rate in the week between Christmas, 1944, and New Year’s, 1945, increased in camp beyond all previous experience. In his opinion, the explanation of this increase did not lie in the harder working conditions or the deterioration of our food supplies or a change of weather or new epidemics. It was simply that the majority of the prisoners had lived in the naive hope that they woruld be home again by Christmas. As the time drew near and there was no encouraging news, the prisoners lost courage and disappointment overcame them. This had a dangerous influcence on their power of resistance and a great number of them died.

As we said before, any attempt to restore a man’s inner strength in the camp had first to succeed in showing him some future goal. Nietzsche’s words, ‘He who has a why to live for a can bear with almost any how” could be the guiding motto for all psychotherapeutic and psychohygienic efforts regarding prisoners. Whenever there was an opportunity for it, one had to give them a why – a aim – for their lives, in order to strengthen them to bear the terrible how of their existence. Woe to him who saw no more sense in his life, no aim, no purpose, and therefore no point in carrying on. He was soon lost. The typical reply with which such a man rejected all encouraging arguments was, “I have nothing to expect from life anymore”

The Science of Making Decisions – Newsweek

Hospital, Into the Wild and a Journal

Saturday 17th October, this is a day when two things happened which forced a third thing to happen.

My grandma went to hospital

There was something wrong with her white blood cell count. We went to see her but I was nervous this was the first time in a long time that she has been in there for something serious. By the time that we got there she had been feeling better, mum had said that she is looking better. I was relieved but again it stuck me, she is slowly slipping away. Each month I notice that she is getting a little bit older that she seems to forget things and that her cognition is off.

This has again sparked me into the whole family tree/history thing, my desperate need to know and record my past. For what purpose and for what end I’m yet to figure out but I do know that the more that I find out the more I am interested in.

I watched “Into the Wild”

It’s an interesting movie with a suggestive sub-text. We live in a materialistic world filled with people who are desperate to impress other people. I liked the story and it seems rather romantic…from the outside, the reality is a different story. It got me thinking about what I’m doing now and how much it really matters.

I wanted to find out the books that Chris (from the movie) read for him to reach this state of mind, this is what I’ve found so far.

  • ‘Tanaina Plantlore’ by Priscilla Russel Kari
  • ‘Education of a Wandering Man’ by Louis L’Amour
  • Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
  • War and Peace (Lev Tolstoy)
  • Death of Ivan Ilych (Lev Tolstoj)
  • Call of the Wild (Jack London)
  • White Fang (Jack London)
  • Moon-Face (Jack London)
  • Brown Wolf (Jack London)
  • To Build a Fire (Jack London)
  • Doctor Zhivago (Boris Pasternak)
  • Terminal Man (Michael Crichton)
  • O Jersualem! (Larry Collins & Dominique Lapierre)
  • Walden (Henry David Thoreau)

The aim would be to read it and see if I can see (figuratively) the same things that he did.

I’ve thought again about the idea of a journal

This has all let me to the mystical journal that I keep picking up and putting down. Half of it is this blog the other half is written for myself.

I think that I’ll give it another go in 2011.

The transportation rule

When going to to see friends it will depend on which friend we are going to see to determine who will drive.

Standard logical rule that I believe has always existed: My friend then I drive to and from venue. Her friend then she will drive to and from the venue.

Actual rule that does exist: No matter where we are going I will always drive, if it is my friend I have to drive because it is my friend and she shouldn’t have to drive. If it is her friend then I have to drive because she wants to drink and doesn’t like driving at night.

Warning: Questioning the rule will result in anger, possible silence and statements of me being difficult

The draft printing rule

When printing documents that are only required for reference you must use the draft printing feature. This will ensure that we save as much ink as possible. Time since ink cartridges were bought: 6 months

Train Stories #3

I enjoy reading on the train, it makes the journey seem short and painless as painless as a public transport journey can be.

I have learned these days that it pays to pick the people whom I sit next to, I myself am quite tall and the long legs doesn’t help in a crowded train. So I tend to sit opposite people with shorter legs which makes the journey easier for both of us.

This day I chose to sit next to 3 noisy friends, the girl next to me and the 2 guys opposite me. I’ve never had my ear hurt by someone talking, but she was loud enough speaking of her dodgy friends and horrid workmates. The guys opposite her wrapped in every word that she said, clearly having nothing to say, they continued onward never the less in this round about conversation touching and leaving the same topics over and over again.

I wasn’t able to get through my book like I normally do, I have something else to watch out for next time that I get on the tain.