I’ve started to have a very uneasy stomach, with it causing lots of discomfort, I’ve also had a lot of chest pain on the left side. I’m not certain if this is because I’m also unfit.

There are days that I don’t even want to come home because I don’t want to deal with the uncomfortable conversations that I know I have to have. 

I guess this is one those grown up things that I have to learn how to do.

She said yes!

Everyone is celebrating.

What do I do now…

Should I try again or try a different strategy, most of the mistakes I’ve made and tried to fix I’ve done on my own without the intervention of others. I doubt that this is going to be any different.
I have thought about getting a gym buddy or someone to help me with food (my biggest problem) but this thought faded quickly. I just don’t like the idea of anyone helping me or having someone to rely on…or is it rely on me.

My main moment of weakness is dinner, I come home after work and desperately hungry and just start eating food. I have noticed a pattern though and this may come and no surprise, the worse my sleep the worse my eating. This morning I got up late and skipped breakfast, ate too much for lunch. The only upside is that I didn’t get hungry in the afternoon like I normally do.

I think that I’ll get a soup for dinner as this should tide me over until I have to go to sleep.

Measurements

• Weight: 93 Kg
• Waist: 106 cm
• Chest: 105 cm

Doing this means that I miss out on rare opportunties like today. Walking out of the office and just missed a bit of a shower or drizzle but looking up towards to the Paris end of Collins Street I saw one really strong rainbow, there was another but the colour was weaker.

It wasn’t just the rainbow that was stunning, the light was this light sepia colour everywhere, the air had this great wet fresh smell about, the clouds around the rainbow that this look like someone had dragged a rake across the snow.

I wish that I had my camera to capture that moment and the sight, I couldn’t describe it well enough which is why I take photos and not write poetry.
Hopefully I’ll get that chance again.

• I no longer sleep well
• I am loosing concentration at work
• My eating patterns are unstable
• I cannot control what I eat
• Cravings are driving me crazy
• I’m in danger or not fitting into suits
• My immune systems isn’t as strong as it used to be
• I am out of breath more often
• Constant headaches

I should have done this years ago when I tried the gym workouts but couldn’t stick with it and I’m going to try again. I have to get a food right otherwise none of it is going to work, I have make a habit of exercise otherwise it is in vain.

Measurements

• Weight: 92 Kg
• Pants Size: 36/38 Inches 92/98 cm
• Waist (belly button): 106 cm
• Chest: 105 cm

The area that worries me the most is by waist, this has to drop or my health risks will continue.

I will start today, not by drastic exercise or a fad diet, but by just saying that today is the day that I have to begin.

I don’t walk, I don’t really like it and I find it slow and boring. But quite a few people at work have gotten together to take on something called the Global Corporate Challenge (GCC), a quick warning that the website sucks, slow flash and badly designed.

Now I’m walking more, not because I enjoy walking but I suppose to try to be competitive. I heard that 10,000 steps per day is the quota to be healthy. I have heard of those that are clocking up 25,000 per day which is a lot of steps. I have noticed a problem though, walking everywhere is great, even if it is freezing cold outside, walking in a business suit. Also active walking can work up a sweat, turning up at a meeting or to the start of the day sweating isn’t what I’m after.

It is though a fair indicator of how much I don’t get around, even if I don’t reach the magical 25,000 steps mark I’ll try to aim for 10,000

I don’t know how to motivate zombies, is it even possible. Uni has all been about ‘working with others’ and you will never work along and always in a group. This is true and while didn’t really doubt this I am now only realising how hard it is working with those that do not want to work.

I could always pick up the slack in Uni groups when those that did nothing but now I’ve got enough to do myself that I don’t have the time or energy to pick up that slack.

I did find out that I’m a bit to soft to be leading people at this stage, I tried to be a bit tougher but I think that I’m a little afraid of offending people. Something that I’m going to try to develop over the coming year, which adds to the ever growing list.

It might be little to late but I’ve had enough of trying to save face while the end goal suffers, I will have to live with the fact that I might not be the most popular person when I start make people responsible and that they are litting the whole team down.

I guess that I just care too much what others think of me, I will have to get over that.

There is so much more to it other than just putting your head down and working. There are the relationships that are built but also your perception as a worker can also be dependent on how you fit in with the team.

I kept my head down and worked, because that’s the way I know now to get things done, how to complete projects and produce results. Consequently it was also another way to loose sleep and stress more. Maybe in another time or another company being tired would be a badge of honor but these days I doubt that.

I have quickly learned that being tired = non-productive, so instead of trying to hammer out that report at the end of the day I’m going home getting rest and coming in early the next day and doing a better job.

While I’m an advocate of the ‘head down bum up’ work ethic, I’m becoming aware that it might not be percieved as the best method. I occasionaly put in the odd 10 - 12 hour day, this might be fine in some cases but I wouldn’t want my peers to think that I’m incompetent and have to work long hours to keep up.

My two big reasons for changing my attitude towards work hours and how I work.

• I now have more of a spine
• I have realised that I’m not as intelligent as I thought I was
• That people are the most variable factor is anything that you do
• Face to Face conversations are more important
• Integrity doesn’t win you friends
• You are judged, not matter what you do

How did I learn all of this…my new corporate life. It is amazing how the prioites in my life have changed, work now is the major factor that I consider when making decisions on what to do during the week or weekend. Since having a full-time salary now means that I have started looking for a new place to live and buying the ’stuff’ that fills our houses to fill the new one.

Since the majority of my time is taken up by work and possibly a few other minor activities, that is mostly what I’ll be posting about.

I hope that it won’t be too boring.

Now there is something else that I might be set to attend. The Japan Festival is being held in the later part of May and is set to showcase a lot of popular culture about Japan.

The only question that I have is why the Japan Club of Victoria would only have their website in Japanese and not English, does a Victorian club not want others (besides Japanese) to join. Do I sound annoyed…well I am. I suppose that it’s typically Japanese but I feel a bit hindered to join because I don’t feel welcome - a bit much from just reading a website.

Either way I’m going and have a great time!

Glen Waverley
Belgrave/Lilydale
Carnbourne/Packenham

They are listed by the way in order of the one that I want to travel. I have always used the Glen Waverley line because it was closet to home, but recently I’ve had the chance to house sit closer to two different train lines.

Our train systems really are a mess, when at 6.30am there should be a minimal number of people it was standing room only. I know which line I won’ t be eventually living near (Carnbourne/Packenham) I thought that it was hard on the Glen Waverley, hardly ever express, doesn’t come often though and over crowding on somedays.

I have previously heard of the Public Transport User Association,  but now I’m seriously considering joining and helping where I can. I know that Connex has started to bring in changes I just hope that they will work as effectively as Melbourne desperately needs the change.

I can’t tell you the tension in the train some morning (actually most of you might know what I’m talking about) and it would be great to have a normal train ride one day.

After I left them overseas I was certain that I would never see them again, but I was wrong. They have followed me home, and it’s been great! To hear what they have been up to since we last departed, the adventures, parties & people. All the while I’m truding through my 9-5 job trying to repay debt and save money to buy a house.

So far I have had dinner with a few people that I travelled with, it’s been both a blessing and a curse to hear about what they have been up to and I have failed to interest or impress them on what I had been up to since we parted. It has caused me to pay more attention to other travels and help them out when I see that I think they look lost, except for when I see them with portable GPS devices.

It has started me back on the track of taking photos, because it was one of the most enjoyable parts of traveling, capuring the moments that I know I want to remember. Now I try to take photos of the parts and moments of Melbourne that I love and want to remember.

The travel buddies have moved on, and we shared and laughed in one night as we had in a month. They too now love Melbourne as much as I do (I told them they would) and I hope that they will come back

The general perception that big public financial institutions are evil because they steal money from the public and finance unethical practices isn’t far wrong. In the past they have always gone where the money is, which has often meant funding projects or companies that provided profit without consideration of the impact of the other person down the line.

But how do you justify your position within this organisation without the expense of your soul? I don’t know yet, I haven’t found out how to do it.

But what I have noticed that they are (the big companies) are starting to notice (finally!) what the public are thinking of them. To the extent that they are starting marketing campaigns against the perception. Case in point the Commonwealth Bank ad on T.V promoting the “different” side of the bank while at the same time rising interest rates.

The move into ethical investing my many fund managers (even though some don’t exist - opes prime)

It is nice to be able to say in an interview that the reason I was attracted to your company was the importance placed on social responsibility, so the tide is changing, but as with everything it changes slowly.

Top 10 Ways to Build Muscle Mass Fast at Ririan Project

From BFS to ZFS: past, present, and future of file systems at Ars Technica

How to Stay Healthy While Sitting At Your Desk All Day at Diet Hack

The more people that I tell the more that they caution me that it’s one of the big steps and to look out she will be asking for a ring next (I’ve already encountered that one)

My hesitation isn’t complex, it’s quite simple - I didn’t want to be held accountable.
I’m great when I need to save for a goal I’ve got no problems putting money away when I need to.
When I do have money I enjoy spending it, on nights out, on my new crumpler bag or looking forward to new camera lens.

I never saw the problem in spending money if I had saved for it, I had made the conscious decision to buy something  and months ago started saving and months later still want it. But now I am no longer justified in buying said item - the logic doesn’t make sense to me. The rational does, “well now that you have saved the money you might as well not spend it and save it for something more useful’ I was astonished to say the least.

This is why I have still kept my original account and will continue to be paid into that for as long as I can, because I think that why I have saved I have the right to spend.

I hope that you get something out of it as well.

I suppose what makes the days that much longer is the travel to and from the city 1 hour is a lot of time to spend being unproductive or doing something that you don’t want to do. I tried reading a novel and that worked quite well because it was a story that I was really into. Since that worked I thought that I would read stuff that I could learn from like a philosophy book or something about the stockmarket, for some reason it made me go to sleep more than anything else.

I have a routine that I enjoy at the moment that seems to be working except for one thing the early nights. I get up at 5.30am (early I know) and I hit the gym for an hour, get on the train at 7am and then I’m at work at 8am (if the trains are on time). But like I said the sleeping on time is the biggest problem I am unable to get to bed on time not because I can’t sleep but because I don’t want to. There are too many things that I want to do, blogging being one of them, learning about active directory and learning photoshop and photography in general.

The time after work is what I miss the most, that 6 hours that I used to have has been whittled down to 3 hours, 1 of which is spent getting ready for the next day (packing, preparing food, reading work etc…). Time with my family has gone, time with the girlfriend is less but the most precious of all is time with myself that I don’t have anymore.

I guess that it is one of the downsides of life, I can’t have everything my way.

Already my beloved stereo has moved from it’s place in full view to under the bed to make room for a plastic stacker to how hold my growing collection of accessories and clothing.

The clothes in my wardrobe have lessened, getting rid of the old and not exactly getting anything new but making room for the more functional and less worn.

Now a days when people ask what I am doing, my most common response in cleaning, while this is annoying, I do tend to find that I make a mess a lot so I have decided to make more space in my room and better position items.

The only problem is that I seem to be doing this all the time and every so often I see something new that I can change…I finally decided that I will never reach a state of completelness so I’ll forever be in a  constant state of optimisation

Please be patient while I express a little bit of arrogance.
I firmly believe that they didn’t recoognise what they had in me, I wasn’t challenged enough and now that I go through all my acomphisments I realised how much I can achieve when I love what I do, and I love what I do.

I have been very fortunate in my working life I haven’t had a job that didn’t hate, I have been able to go through normal retail jobs until I found something more career focused. I think that part of my success has been due to my personality, normally I can get along with everyone and don’t tend to make many enemies. I didn’t realise my social skills within work until recently about the same time that I realised how important social skills where to keeping and advancing in your job.

It is something that I am now wanting to study a little more, I hope to better understand motivations and how this can affect your job. Understandably the work that you do counts as well, it shows that you can do what you were employed to do.

I have a few friends who can enlighten me on this and I’ll get back to you on what I find out.

To be honest the seating isn’t that great, it’s a little to much form over function but there is enough standing room for it to not matter too much.

I didn’t have a camera this night, but they have a website at http://www.6links.com.au/ which has better pictures.
From what I have heard is that the drinks are set at a good price and it doesn’t get too crowded, a good combination.

After hearing this film review from triple J, I thought that this would be great to check out.

In short I thought that it was great, because there was nothing over powering about the movie but there was enough of an actual story to make it real and gritty and if I might say so meaty!

Well worth seeing.

I could to an extent understand why the movie was graphic and somewhat violent but it wasn’t unnecessary it was all in context, we were able to see the desperation of a man who’s only goal was to keep living against everything that was thrown at him while still trying to keep his sanity in various ways.

I liked watching the character fight both the internal and external struggle, what aspects the film touches on such as survival, and to a lesser extent on what makes us human (aka bladerunner)

I’m glad that I was able to see this, as Will Smith is really coming along in a lot of his movies that he producing, I hope that he will come into his own and be of the same standards of Denzel Washington.

It’s a grand plan and one that probably won’t finish, but I plan to give it a go and see what happens, in the absolute hope that I will infact be better educated by the end of the year.

I have also noticed an interesting trend, as we continually follow the same old addage of house party after house party, our numbers are dwindling, less and less of our friends are joining us to do what we do, they seem to be heading off to bigger and better events. I wonder if I can get myself along to one of these as well.

As with the the new year approaching also comes the through of new year resolutions, I will be writing out mine is a new post soonish.

By the way it is good to see the Sydney is going green with this years fireworks display.

What I have noticed now is that a whole lot of those people are popping up on Facebook and adding me as their friend, when clearly we are not. I am uncertain how I am supposed to proceed with this I don’t like to offend people and rejecting their friend request might seem like this, but the chances that we will have a conversation is highly unlikely but more over I don’t like them enough for them to view what I am up to on a daily or weekly basis.

So I do what I always do, I sit on it, keeping their friend request pending until I can decide what I feel about them and what I should do, you see I’m not one of those people who have 400+ friends, what I mean by that is I just don’t add people that I have met once or casually know through someone else, that isn’t a friend that’s an acquaintance, in face people like that annoy me, I don’t see why I should be included in such a friend list where all these other people are as well.

Being the noconfrontational person that I am, I suppose that I’ll just add them and throw them the every boring - Hey how’s it going, what are you up to these days. A few messages will pass and then it will all be over for now.

Even the girlfriend is giving me the look of “Well when is it going to be?”
“I don’t know, I don’t feel that I’m ready” I say
She stares back “Excuse me, not ready we have been together for 5 years, what do you mean not ready”
Me “oops”

What do I do, when every family member, co-worker and friend are asking when we are going to get married. Now all that I have in my arsnel of answers is - well not yet but soon.

It’s not that I’m scared, well I am, I know that she will say yes, that’s not the problem it is that I feel that I haven’t finished everything that I wanted to do before I settle down. Not only that but my frame of mind isn’t into it, I see it as the end of all that I hold scared and dear to my heart - freedom. The freedom of coming home after a big night of drinking and not having to answer to anyone about what you did, how you got home, how much you drank. Not having to account for any of the gadgets or things that you have bought, just because you wanted them and what to have a bit of fun. Not have to give up playing games because now you have to spend time with someone.

It isn’t that I don’t love her, I do, I most certainly do. As with most things about myself I seem to have to wait this out, it simply might be a case of maturity that I have to reach and finally realise what I want to do.

In the mean time I think that I will join this Facebook group: My Friends Are Getting Married. I’m Just Getting Drunk.

I have always held a long fascination with Japan, the people, culture and history and after coming from India it was a pleasure to be somewhere so quiet, polite and ordered. Everything was clean, everything had a purpose and almost everything had a certain beauty about it that demanded attention.

The generosity and maticilous nature of the people will always remain in my memories and I’m glad that I have made my dream trip (to Japan) and was not disappointed by it.

I had an amazing time traveling overseas and wished that it wouldn’t end, but sadly commitments (don’t we all have them) drew me back home.

But I thought that it would be a waste.

I am India currently I wish that I could write more but for the most part I am busy with other things that most people do when they are traveling.

It’s a crazy country where normal everyday conventions do not apply and thus it takes time to get used to but once you scratch under the surface and you can overlook the confronting scenes you come away with something quite like nothing else.

I will in the end put up something here of what I have learned but it will be later on an in a few smaller parts.

I couldn’t possibly imagine what they were saying but I’m sure that it sounded exciting so much so that as the ‘ticket checker’ came along to make sure that they were in the right place, she noticed what they were doing and started signing along with them. What are the chances, pretty good apparently. For some odd reason this inspired me to learn another language, well it should have inspired me to learn auslan but I think to be honest unless I had a real need for it it might be useless.

Another language though, now that would be useful, I’ve always been a practical person and the fact that I have had an interest in Japan for some time means that Japanese is an obvious choice.

Now just to get started.

This post has been brought to you buy Stereo - The Watchman

I find it harder to understand sculptors than I do painting, well let me clarify that, I can make sense of most art that is not abstract. You see I’m not really an art fan but I do enjoy it and I will go along to anything that I get a chance to.

Geoffrey Bartlett exhibition was one that I was interesting because while I have seen sculptures I have never heard that artist talk about his own work.

A lot of it I couldn’t hear due to the nature of the room that we were standing in, but there was one thing that he said that struck a cord.

I’m paraphrasing here but it went something along the lines of:

As a sculptor you have to be mindful of space around your work and how it affects it, where a painter can have a frame and canvas to direct his audience to a focal point the sculptor as to know who to use space to convey their message

Once I heard this and I looked at his works again they made so much more sense, not much more than the average person but more that I could begin to appreciate it.

It’s one of the many things that I like about pushing myself to experience new things, I always come away learning something.